Failure is Always an Option

So I haven’t been blogging of late. I haven’t, to be honest, been doing anything creative.

Some artists thrive on a tortured spirit. When life is not going so well, they are at their brilliant best. This is not the case with me. In order to be at my best, I must be happy, warm, safe, loved, and well fed. I am a cat when it comes to creative juice: it flows under happy conditions, or not at all.

As such the events of the past few months have stopped up the waters of my muse, and only very recently have they begun to flow again.

Most people close to me have heard this story already, but for those who have not – I took a new job. I did this because changing jobs occasionally throughout one’s career is good for growth, both professionally and personally. Also my new job was situated a mile from my home, and after driving over fifty miles every workday for the past thirteen years that was extremely appealing to me. Lastly, it was a social media and marketing position, which I thought would be both an interesting creative challenge and in line with the degree I’ve been pursuing.

So I took the job. I gave proper notice and there was a farewell celebration at my old job, and I showed up on day one ready to begin a new adventure.

I was promptly shown to the reception desk at the front and told, “this is where you will sit.” I was puzzled by this, as I had met the receptionist at my interview. She had greeted me warmly and offered to fetch me coffee.

So I asked, “If I’m sitting here, where will your receptionist sit?”

I then discovered that the receptionist was retiring in a few weeks, and I was her ‘replacement’.

As you might imagine I experienced some foreboding at this point, but I attempted to shake it off. It was, after all, just a desk to sit at.

Unfortunately over the next three days I was taught how to answer the phones, how to prepare coffee to order and bring it to guests, and I discovered that ‘Marketing’ at my new job involved simply ordering marketing materials from the home office.

In short, I had made a mistake.

Attempting to remain undaunted, I let my new boss know that the position wasn’t what I had been expecting and that I would be pursuing other opportunities. I wanted to be honest and it wasn’t fair for her to continue using resources on me since I didn’t intend to stay. She opted to let me go at that point, which was okay with me.

I then contacted three separate employment agencies to see where they could place me quickly – figuring that meeting new people and trying new challenges might be a good experience.

Where they could place me was answering phones in a call center for $13.00/hour.

So, after collapsing into a nearly non-functional ball of anxiety for the better part of a week, I called my old boss, and returned to my old job.

Basically I tried and I failed.

So now I’m back where I started. I’d like to insert a heroic and inspirational piece of prose here about what I learned from the experience – but unfortunately all I learned is what I suspected to be true before: taking a new job is a risk, and sometimes it’s a risk that doesn’t work out. I experienced exactly what people are afraid will happen to them when they take a new job.

Of course, having lived through that, what are the chances it will happen again? Eh, probably about the same as they were before.

But I'm getting my equilibrium back, slowly and surely.