Weight Loss & The Larger Appetite

My reason for being overweight is very simple.  It’s not because of a slow metabolism, or a glandular problem, or childhood trauma, or a physical disability.  It’s because the size of my appetite prompts me to eat more calories than my body needs in order to efficiently work – and the extra has been carefully stored over a long number of years.

This problem of my big appetite hasn’t gone away in the past six months of eating substantially less than I need to survive (in fact, for obvious reasons, it’s slightly worse now) and I doubt it ever will.  Its a part of who I am, a habit possibly developed over a lifetime of enjoying the pleasure that eating food gives me.

This can make feeling satiated after dinner right now very difficult.  So this post is about how I make enough tasty food to feel like I’m not constantly depriving myself during dinnertime – which is the “tricky” meal of the day for me.  My hunger starts slow, and gradually increases throughout the day until it reaches a sort of fever pitch right around five or six PM each night.

My secret weapon to deal with this problem isn’t a secret at all – it’s just a matter of making a variety of tasty, vegetable based side dishes to go along with my meals.  It’s a way to get the highest food volume for the lowest caloric intake.

So here is tonight’s dinner, and if it looks good to you, below are instructions on how to make it:

 

 

Veggie Burger:

I like Morningstar Farms.  They come in a variety of flavors and average 90 to 110 calories for each.  I have mine on a 100 calorie Arnold’s Bread roll (although if you really want a regular hamburger bun, those are okay too at only 110 calories).  I dressed mine tonight with sautéed onion, grey poupon mustard and a heaping pile of fresh baby spinach and arugula mix.

Calorie total: 240 (for comparison’s sake, a beef hamburger dressed with ketchup clocks in at around 375 calories).

Baked Brussels Sprouts:

Wash a pound of sprouts and then cut off the woody end, removing any loose or battered outer leaves.  Then cut the sprouts in half and place them in a bowl.  Toss in a tablespoon of good olive oil and spread on a baking sheet with the cut side up.  Sprinkle generously with Adobo seasoning and roast for a half hour at 350 degrees until lightly brown on top and caramelized on the bottom.  Makes three to four servings depending on the size of the sprouts.

Calorie total: 112 per serving.

Baked Sweet Potato Wedges:

Peel two large sweet potatoes and cut into thin wedge shapes.  Toss in a tablespoon of good olive oil and arrange in a single layer on a baking sheet.  Sprinkle generously with salt and pepper and roast at 375 degrees for 45 minutes until lightly brown in spots.  Makes three to four servings depending on the size of the potatoes.

Calorie total: 95 per serving.

Auntie’s Asparagus:

I like to make this with thin asparagus stalks as they’re usually tenderer.  Cut the woody ends off of a single asparagus bunch, then cut the stalks in half before washing thoroughly.  Sautee in a tablespoon of good olive oil over medium heat until they start to soften (around eight to ten minutes).  At the end, add two or three teaspoons of your favorite soy sauce.  Makes four servings.

Calorie total: 70 per serving.

None of these veggie dishes are time or labor intensive.  My entire big dinner pictured tonight clocked in at 517 calories, keeping me right on track for a sated appetite at the end of the day while also keeping within my restricted caloric goals.

And then I had a 90 calorie weight watchers giant latte bar for dessert.  Because… chocolate!

Status Report: 1.8 lbs. lost, 59 lbs. total

For those playing the home game, I haven’t given a status update for a few weeks because I’ve been on what is usually referred to as a “plateau” – meaning that although one is still working at it, no additional weight has been coming off.

Moment of honesty: have I been working as hard as I should be?  No.  But I haven’t been horrendously off-plan either.  My highest day in the past two or three weeks has been around 1,900 calories and my workout schedule has been right on track.  So, as usual, at no point did I consume the number of calories (2,300) needed to maintain my current body weight – but I’ve been successfully maintaining it anyway.

This week I finally had a small drop, which is a relief.  It’s really difficult to sustain this level of discipline and obsession without getting a little reward in return – and no matter how many times we tell ourselves that, “the scale doesn’t matter that much!” it’s still the reward every weight loser is looking for.

In unrelated news, my new bathing suit for this summer has arrived!

And that is SO not me in the picture!

No, you do not need to adjust your screen.  Yes, it’s a bikini.  Since this type of suit is designed for a plus sized woman to wear it’s sometimes referred to as a “fatkini”.  I know that some are offended by the name, but it’s mostly used by the people in the fat acceptance movement who are trying to de-stigmatize the word “fat” as a descriptor.  The goal being that “fat” becomes no more fraught with implied slovenliness and moral character failings than the words “blonde” or “tall” are.  I don’t think they are going to succeed, but I appreciate where they’re coming from, and the name doesn’t really bother me.

Regardless of the name, it’s really cute and made from quality fabric (none of that awful, shiny, cheap, nylon fat-girl swimsuit fabric that catches on your fingers if your skin is dry).  Most importantly, to my relief, it fits!  Ordering was a bit hairy since according to the size chart at Forever 21 I’m currently wearing a 1X on top (same size as the model pictured) and a 3X on the bottom, and you can’t order two different sized halves.  I admit the bottom half on me is a bit of a squeeze, but I’m hoping in a few months when I actually wear it in public I’ll be carrying slightly less junk in my trunk.

Someone asked me recently what prompted me to order a bikini.  It’s not just enthusiasm on account of my weight loss.  For years I’ve complained about being dissed and ostracized by clothing designers who I feel don’t want their pretty things on my fat body.  So since a designer and distributor is willing to carry a bikini in my size and made for my body type, then they’re getting my business (and might I add that at around $30 this suit was quite a steal).  The only votes that count here are dollar signs.  Plus, they get a shout-out on my blog: you go Forever 21!

So Glad I'm Not a Woman!

There have been many times in my life when a man has expressed relief to me that they aren’t a member of my gender, as well as sympathy for my plight.  It’s not a new concept.  There is even an ancient Jewish prayer to be recited in the morning that reads, "Blessed are you, Lord our God, Ruler of the Universe, who has not made me a woman." (Morning Blessings, Artscroll Siddur, pg. 12***)

I won’t lie, there are many aspects of being female that aren’t always fun.  There are increased threat levels, lower pay grades and corporate attempts to destroy our self-esteem for the sole purpose of money making, as well as some physical messiness and pain that must be endured to varying degrees throughout the course of the month.  Of course there are also some serious downsides to being born male, though I’m less qualified to expand on them.  Being human, for all its gifts and wonders, is occasionally a somewhat messy and painful condition.

However when a man (always jokingly) has expressed sympathy to me for my gender, it’s mostly been with regards to my physical state of being – so I’m going to focus on that.  The pay scale and threat of sexual violence issues are ones for a far more serious and in depth post.

When we’re little, both boys (and girls – I did this) will sometimes have the, “EWWWW GROSS!!!” reaction the first time they’re confronted with video, or sometimes just a description, of a child being born.  It is messy.  It is also, as described by my husband, the single most beautiful thing he has ever witnessed in his life.  And yes, this is in fact one of the hundreds of reasons why Ted is completely and totally awesome.

Hopefully as we grow up, we also grow out of that reaction.  Or at the very least we learn to keep it to ourselves.  I didn’t intentionally seek out more information on childbirth until I was in my 30’s, after wise women had taught me how to embrace the creation gifts that my body possesses.

When adult males express humorous sympathy toward women on account of their gender, it means that male is essentially saying, “I am so, so sorry you were born the way you are completely outside of your choice and ability to control!  Poor you!”  The underlying theme being, “I am so relieved I’m what I am instead, since it is so, so much better than what you are!”  When you boil it down like that, it’s a seriously ass-hat thing to say.

Unless someone is suffering from gender identity disorder, then they were born with mental hard wiring that helps them to identify with and enjoy being in the body they were given.  When someone expresses to someone else, “I’m so sorry you got that crappy body!  Whew, so glad mine is better!” they are essentially offering sympathy, and simultaneously painful insult, for facts of our existence which are outside of our control.

So as a word of advice: even if you absolutely can’t wrap your head around the horror of being a woman, offering sympathy for it are words better left unsaid.

To those of you willing to entertain the possibility that being female might not be so bad after all, here is just a little of what the wiser women in my life have taught me.

First and foremost, that pregnancy and birth are an invitation to assist God in performing a miracle.  I will be turning 40 this year and I have never accepted this invitation (the child my husband saw born that I mentioned earlier was our son from his first marriage).  Barring birth control failure I am not going to accept the invitation as I have never felt a strong enough desire for either pregnancy or the day-to-day responsibility of caring for a small child.  Although it does occur to me at times that my decision might result in a very lonely old age, I’ve always believed that if avoiding future loneliness was my primary reason to do it – it’s too selfish.  Parenting is an inherently selfless act.

Even so, my body is a part of that harmony and cycle which creates the continuation of human life.  I wax and wane like the sea and with the moon.  I am reminded monthly of my connection to all these things, and though I don’t make use of it, I appreciate that connection.  At some point in the next ten years I will exit that cycle, and when that happens part of me will be sad to see it go.

With regards to female beauty products – there are several reasons why I don’t wear makeup to work.  One of them is that between a workout and a shower I have neither time nor energy to mess with all that at 6:30AM before an hour long turnpike thrill ride.  A far more important reason is that I believe women need to embrace their unadorned faces the way that men do.  Makeup is an art that I love, it’s a bonus feature I can exercise at will, but it is not necessary.  Since this means that both my acceptable clothing and adornment options are far more varied than those of men, I don’t think I’m the one in need of sympathy here.

With regards to high heeled shoes – I don’t wear them.  I think they’re beautiful and would love to wear them and I know women who rock them and enjoy every step they take in them, but my particularly stretchy ankle ligaments prevent them from being a possibility in my life.  And surprise, I still manage to attract romantic interest and hold down a job.  Like makeup, heeled shoes are just a bonus, not a life requirement.

With regards to my body shape and level of fitness – I do put a lot of effort into this, but so do many men.  I think at this point in our society both genders are being assaulted with unattainable ideals of physical perfection.  Women get hit harder, but it’s our choice to let that stupid stuff in – we don’t have to.  Being a victim with regards to degradation by marketing people is a choice we can opt not to make.

So what else is there?  Primary childcare responsibility?  Primary housecleaning duties?  In our modern day and age there is an increasing awareness that two parents in the workforce means equal work needs to go on at home.  We’re not quite there yet, but I fully expect couples to continue to even out as so many I know already have.  I think in future years the men unwilling to do their equal share are going to find themselves very lonely.  I also continue to hope with each passing year that the masculine habit of insulting one another with female pronouns will go the way of the dodo.  You are not the default setting, we are not an aberration – you guys really need to let that one go.

So be assured, being of the female persuasion is certainly different, certainly has challenges, but they’re merely different challenges (neither better nor worse) than those which men are confronted with.  Were it possible, my husband and I would gladly swap bodies for a period of time, both of us curious and filled with wonder about the possibilities that our equal and opposite halves possess.

Men are not the end all and be all of creation – and neither are women.  But if we could manage to get over ourselves a bit more, maybe we could better see what a unique and wondrously potential filled species we all are.

*** As a side note, here is a link to a very insightful article written by a rabbi who struggles daily with this prayer, and the valid reasons why he continues to recite it anyway.