Okay, I admit – this is a weird reaction.
Someone gave me a chocolate bar as a gift today, and it frightened me. I stared at it in the palm of my hand and thought “what am I going to do? If I eat it, the floodgates will open and I won’t be able to stop eating EVERYTHING.”
Is this the equivalent of giving an alcoholic a full shot glass as a present?
Am I over-reacting?
I don’t know. But I came home, handed it to my husband, and asked him to please do something with it. I didn’t care what as long as I didn’t have to worry about it winding up as part of my backside.
I don’t know if I really need to be this militaristic but I feel as though my journey right now balances on a knife edge, I’ve had successes and setbacks, and I just want this so much.
My husband said to me that all he wants is for me to be happy, so if I won’t be truly happy unless I take off this weight, then he’ll do what he has to do to help me.
So… he took the chocolate bar and made it disappear. He also mentioned that he felt he might need to impress more strongly on the people around me how serious we are about what I’m trying to do, and how difficult and delicate a thing it really is.
For a non-food addicted person, I would imagine it’s somewhat hard to understand – but I think the concept of handing a precariously balanced alcoholic a shot glass filled with rum is probably the best way to try to describe it to people.
So to anyone out there who may be listening… I love you all, but please don’t give me food as gifts unless it’s obviously safe food – like a gorgeous piece of fruit or vegetation you want to share. Anything you’d normally consider to be a “bad” treat is going to cause me difficulty.
This is wholly my problem and my own fault that it’s my problem – but it is what it is, at least for right now.
The truth is, I made chocolates at Christmas and binging on them threw me off my road for about five months – enough time to set me back every pound of progress I had made.
That is the nature of my problem, and that’s the fight I am fighting.
It’s my battle and I can do this – but if it’s at all possible I ask of everyone, please – don’t tempt me off the road.