A journey in words...
Welcome to my journey in words! A story about health, exercise, weight loss, food addiction, humor, size discrimination, sarcasm, social commentary and all the rest that’s rattling around inside my head...
I now twit, er... or tweet. Anyway, you can follow me on twitter @Aeon1202
Saturday, July 31, 2010
So for example; if you don't floss your teeth but want to start, you force yourself to do it every day for three weeks and it will become simple second nature to you.
So... if I get through three weeks without binging, will not binging become a habit?
In other news I went to the farmer's market this morning and intentionally picked up the odd looking fruits and vegetables I could find.
The little squished down fuzzy thing is a "saturn" or "doughnut" peach - this particular one is firm and very sweet and has a faint mango flavor to it that's very nice, although the peach fuzz on it's outside is somewhat more bristly than a normal peach.
The scary white thing is an albino eggplant that I plan to grill this evening. I'm guessing it's going to taste the same as regular eggplant but I'm eager to find out.
I love the Saturday outdoor Farmer's Mart - not only do I support my local growers, but I get fresh, tasty food and interesting new things to try.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
To explain – today I feel very motivated and I’ve done well. Water is drunk, nutrition attended to, amounts carefully measured.
Today was an excellent eating day; a day where I gave my body what it needs and avoided what it does not. A day when my volume of fuel was correct. A day when I did not binge.
And no matter how wonderful I do today, I won’t see any benefit tomorrow. Or the day after that. Or the day after that.
Shifts in weight are measured in months, not days or even weeks. To be honest – you can have a wonderful week and though the scale will change, you will not really look any different.
The fact that we see ourselves every day and thus, can’t see changes when they do really occur doesn’t really help matters much.
People with short attention spans and a desire for instant gratification are thus continually frustrated by weight loss efforts. As for myself I can hold on for a couple of months, but just when I hit that thirty pound mark, when things really get going, I loose it. And I think the lack of daily progress might be part of the reason why.
I had a dream where I saw my friend at her goal weight. She’s beautiful now, and she’ll be beautiful then too, but in the dream she also possessed a self confidence and power. She glowed with a sense of pride for her accomplishment. I saw my friend the way I want to be at the road’s end…
Why can’t I see myself..?
Recently I baked up a spaghetti squash and dumped a bunch of home made salsa on top of the piping hot squash – it was excellent. Salsa, especially fresh made, is a really great flavorful topping to just about any baked summer vegetable. Oh, and it’s awesome on baked fish too!
In the wintertime I have difficulty finding a jarred salsa that I like; the Tostitos brand is passable, as is the “Jacob and Amos” brand I get at the Amish farmers market near work. But too often I reach for a new and intriguing looking jar of the stuff from among the multitudes on the grocery store rack only to be disappointed with the flavors.
Does anyone know of a reliably good brand of salsa out there that can get me through the winter months?
On the upside, now is summer and my tomatoes and jalapenos have arrived – so it’s fresh salsa for me! Below is my favorite recipe for making it at home from my own garden grown ingredients.
Carolyn’s Fresh Salsa:
Four or five red ripe tomatoes (I grew ‘Early Girls’ this year, and they’re very sweet)
A ripe jalapeno pepper
Half of a sweet Vidalia onion
Two or three cloves of fresh garlic
Two ears of leftover boiled or roasted corn on the cob (optional)
A big handful of fresh cilantro
Juice of half a lime
A tablespoon of olive oil (optional – cut this out if you want your salsa fat free)
Salt and pepper to taste
Dice up your tomatoes and get them in a bowl, make sure you save all the juice!
Place the jalapeno, garlic and Vidalia onion into your food processor and puree – I do this because I love their flavors but don’t want to bite into a huge piece of them. Add to the tomato bowl.
Cut the cold corn off the cob with a big knife if you are using it and add.
Chop the fresh cilantro and throw it in.
Add olive oil, squeeze the lime over the mix and put in as much salt and pepper as you like the taste of. Then mix.
A note about tomatoes; if possible don’t ever put them in the fridge – it causes them to loose flavor and become mushy.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Recently I logged in and uploaded a logo that I have designed for my production company in the hopes of placing it on a number of t-shirts I will need at an upcoming convention I am attending.
After finishing my shirt, I went to order it (the total was around $26.00) only to find out it does not come in my size (between 2XL and 3XL).
I searched for "plus sized" shirts and found one on your site - not as cute as the first one - but at my size I'm used to not getting precisely the clothing I want.
After completing the new design, I went to order only to find that the larger (and less cute) t-shirt was going to come to about $40.00 before shipping fees.
FORTY dollars for a plain white t-shirt?
I'm well used to the "fat fee" - the additional fee that clothing companies stick on plus sized clothing simply because it's socially acceptable to discriminate against us slovenly overweight folks. But I have to say, yours is the most exorbitant I have ever encountered outside of the disgusting bridal gown industry.
No - I will not be ordering my custom shirt (or anything else) from your company until you cease your size discriminatory practices.
P.S. The website www.tshirtmagic.com is selling the initial (and much cuter) custom t-shirt I first tried to order from you for $20.00 each - all sizes from small to 4XL, no fat fees. They got my business and will get my bulk order too when I order the rest of the convention shirts I need.
Thank you for contacting CafePress.com. Our plus size t-shirts do start at $33.00 compared to other shirts which do start as low as $22.00. As our brands and suppliers do vary, there can be a larger difference in price between styles of shirts. Also, the sizes available for each item vary by style. Many of our shirts are available up to a 2XL or 3XL, and a select few are also available in 4XL. The following items are available in plus sizes in addition to the "Plus Size" apparel:
• Ash Grey T-shirt (Men’s sizes up to 3XL)
• Black T-shirt (Men’s sizes up to 3XL)
• Baseball Jersey (Men’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Fitted T-shirt (Men’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Golf shirt (Men’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Green T-shirt (Men’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Hooded Sweatshirt (Men’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Sweatshirt (Men’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Long Sleeve shirt (Men’s sizes up to 3XL)
• Organic Cotton T-shirt (Men’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Ringer T-shirt (Men’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Value T-shirt (Men’s sizes up to 4XL)
• White T-shirt (Men’s sizes up to 4XL)
• Women’s Cap Sleeve T-Shirt (Women’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Women’s Pink T-shirt (Women’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Women’s White T-shirt (Women’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Women’s Tank (Women’s sizes up to 2XL)
• Yellow T-shirt (Men’s sizes up to 2XL)
If you are unable to determine if a particular item is available in a plus size you may view the complete Cafépress.com size chart using the link below:
I will be sure to pass your feedback along to the appropriate department. We do appreciate you taking the time to write us.
If there is anything else I can do for you please let me know.
We hope we have answered all of your questions. If not, please chat with us now. (Monday - Friday)
CafePress.com Support Representative
On the upside, unlike Victoria’s Secret they seem to have actually read my email prior to responding. On the downside, their solution from what I can tell is for me to get a men’s t-shirt if I don’t want to pay the fat fees on their plus sized clothing. I know from experience that men’s t-shirts fall off of my woman sized shoulders and if I get one large enough to cover my huge butt, it usually hangs down to my thighs in length.
They offer no explanations for why their plus sized clothing “starts at $33.00” as opposed to the smaller sizes which start at $22.00. Although I doubt this will have made any difference in the long run I hope I can encourage others to fight against these kind of ridiculous price jumps rather than just rolling over and accepting them.
If a size small is the same price as a size extra large, then there is NO reason for a size 2XL to be ten dollars more. None whatsoever.
It’s long past time this kind of discriminatory practice was deemed acceptable.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
It’s the morning of the annual celebration of my husband’s birth – we call it Tedmas or, as my sister refers to it; “the social event of the summer”.
Right now he has accompanied me downstairs as I went off to begin the work of getting the house and food ready, but as I’m checking my email he has dozed off again on the sofa and he’s really, really cute when he’s sleeping.
This year he turns fifty-one. At my own thirty-five years of age, I try not to question God, but I admit when we first married I was struck with the occasional impulse to look up at the sky and wonder; “couldn’t you have put us just a decade closer in age?”
But it’s like I told my mother recently; I consider myself abundantly fortunate and blessed to have found him at all in this life. And it’s like he’s told me over and over, he wasn’t ready for me until now – he needed a little more time to get ripe.
Each day I go to sleep and wake up beside my best friend, the man I love, the man I respect, adore and admire. Each year I grow more proud of the person he was, is and is continuing to become. Every day I live secure in the warmth of his love and protection, I glow from the praise he gives me, I wonder at the ways we grow and change and learn together, I am filled with gratitude at the numerous ways we continue to become more one than two.
Every day he goes out of his way and above and beyond to cherish me, love me, work for me and our family, and fill me with joy and laughter. He is always conscious of being a good friend, an amazing love, and a husband who serves God and his family. Today on his birthday celebration, he very much deserves a pleasant mid-morning nap.
Today on Tedmas, I thank God so much for bringing this man into my life and my heart. And I pray for an abundance of years to continue to grow and love together.
Happy Birthday my love, my friend, my soulmate – Ted…
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
My next step was to design a nifty t-shirt to put it on, for which I went to Café Press. I chose a white with black cap sleeves that I thought would look good with the logo. Again, observe:
Disgruntled, I went back to the drawing board and searched for “plus sized” t-shirts I could design myself. I found one, plainer, not as nice – but still reasonably spiffy. Observe:
Satisfied, I went to order my correctly sized shirt.
Now keep in mind I am used to fat fees, I know they are part of what makes the fashion industry go ‘round. I’m used to them averaging between two and seven dollars.
The plainer, less nice, sized 22 t-shirt I tried to order from Café Press came in at $40.00.
That, ladies and gentlemen, gives Café Press my JERKWADS award for the biggest fat fee I’ve ever encountered! A $14.00 or roughly 40% fat surcharge! You go Café Press! Way to keep sizeism alive and well!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Curvy girls ROCK corsets.
The two friends I took with me were cases in point, both gorgeous girls with real woman figures got laced in and both looked utterly spectacular.
As for me, I went the cheap-o route and ordered a few inexpensive ones online that I'll probably have to alter a bit. If they look decent when they arrive - I'll post pictures. I tried one on in the store, as per my usual reaching for a garment about two sizes too big. The good natured and adorable gothy girl at the counter gamely started to put me in it, but informed me there wasn't really any point doing up the laces since the thing swam on me - and that kind of defeats the purpose of the clothes.
While we were admiring; another girl came in with two friends. I'm a bad judge of weight, but I would have pegged her at maybe 110 lbs. tops - right on the borderline of "GET THAT GIRL A CHEESEBURGER - STAT!" in appearance. She breezed past us, commenting to her friends "Oh I can't wear those - I'm much too fat."
My first thought was of course to be offended - if she thinks she's fat I must be some foreign species of lardy space alien! In discussing it with one of my friend eyewitnesses though I asked her - what would girls like that look like if they looked the way they really wanted to? What would be thin enough?
She guesstimated that probably skin stretched over bone with no fat or muscle beneath was probably what they craved.
I may have body dysmorphia and think I'm bigger than I am, but holy cow. Even I have limits.
Seriously - was the revelation that it's harder to get a job if you're not pretty supposed to come as a surprise? *just laughs*
They didn't need to survey hundreds of people to figure this no brainer out, just ask any fat girl.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
When I saw the preview I was intrigued and excited; my brain went: look at how many non-skinny kids they’re putting on prime time network TV, that’s got to be some kind of record! I admit, aside from the offensive title of the show, I was looking forward to the premiere.
So I tuned in at watched it; and was rewarded with a show that was interesting, funny, and poignant in a very Glee-like way (without the singing).
The program stars Nikki Blonsky, an engaging, sweet and adorable young actress who first became popular a few years back by starring in the new film version of “Hairspray.”
One thing to note; despite her cuteness and enthusiastic talents in acting, singing and dance, Nikki has to the best of my knowledge never been hired for an acting job that did not in some way revolve around her weight.
Please don’t get me wrong here, the fact that they put these kids on TV at all is a huge (cough) step in the right direction from my perspective.
But I still long for the day when Hollywood might be capable of casting talented and attractive young stars such as these simply because they’re talented young stars, not because they’re bravely soldiering on in the acting industry despite their weight.
Lets face it; there’s only so much market for after school specials about fat prom queens, fat camp only lasts for the summer, and there’s really only one Hairspray. After that, these actors are put right back out to pasture until another “heartwarming fat role” becomes available.
You get a few points, Hollywierd – but still no Kewpie doll.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Example the first: The Vegetarian Burrito
Every Monday my husband likes to eat at Chipotle, the takeout Mexican place near our house. I order the vegetarian fajita burrito; which has sautéed green pepper and onions, lime rice and tomato salsa. It’s about 500 to 550 calories and it’s an okay dinner for me to have.
How easy is it to ruin it? I casually tell Ted to add on some guacamole. A single serving of which adds nearly 200 more calories. How about some cheese? Another two hundred. Sour cream? A hundred more. These three items also pack in somewhere in the neighborhood of 20 to 30 grams of fat.
From the outside the burrito looks the same, but adding any of the three transforms it into a fat bomb that effectively kills my entire day and can pump it up to over 1,000 total calories. And since Ted can eat any of the aforementioned with no weight gain whatsoever, he has no clue that when I tell him to get them on my order, he needs to stop and question me.
Of course, since I’m a food liar it’s also pretty easy for me to go “no, it’s fine – I can have that” even when he does remember to go, wait a second – are you sure you want to eat that? I guess the person it’s easiest to lie to is myself.
Example the second: The Lie of Omission
This is the secret eat. I’m home alone or awake late by myself, and I snack. They call this bingeing, the only reason I’m not considered bulimic is because I don’t purge afterward.
The other day I stood in the bathroom and it occurred to me, just for a second, how easy it would be to just “get rid of” my mistake. I understood the sense of powerlessness and hopelessness over one’s behavior that can lead to that kind of destructive action.
This is what they mean when they call it “food addiction”. I can joke that in addition to being a food addict; I’m also hopelessly addicted to breathing, sleeping and drinking water (because it does sound that ridiculous). The truth though, is that binge eating is a serious eating disorder that has nothing to do with hunger. And healthy though I may be now, it will chop years of my life in the long term.
I laid down a new rule recently; no eating when there are no other people around. Now I just need to stick to it.