A journey in words...
Welcome to my journey in words! A story about health, exercise, weight loss, food addiction, humor, size discrimination, sarcasm, social commentary and all the rest that’s rattling around inside my head...
I now twit, er... or tweet. Anyway, you can follow me on twitter @Aeon1202
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Or more accurately, I think God it trying to tell me something and I need to figure out what that is exactly. It feels like I can’t get through a week anymore without somebody getting in my face in an aggressive (and sometimes completely inexplicable) fashion.
Example the First:
About a month ago I’m having brunch with my son and husband and realized my son didn’t have a set of utensils, so I slipped out of the booth and grabbed him a set off of a nearby table – when I sat back down, the back of the booth moved slightly, jostling the Crazy Woman sitting in the booth behind me.
Said Crazy Woman found this a perfectly acceptable justification to turn and holler at me. Since I did bump her, I apologized and then turned away to return to my meal. However, she felt that wasn’t quite enough and persisted, resulting in the following conversation:
Crazy Woman: “Don’t be bumpin’ me ‘cuz I’m a bitch!”
Me (annoyed now): “Maam, I said I was sorry.”
Crazy Woman: “Are you?!”
Me: “Yes, I really am and I hope you have a lovely day.” Upon which I turned my back on her for a second time.
She complained her way loudly all the way out the door, but thankfully she left and I was able to enjoy brunch in peace with my family.
Example the Second:
Two weekends ago I ran a LARP (Live Action Roleplaying Game) at a gaming convention in Jersey. Since I had brought 24 pre generated characters and had 23 of them cast and in play – I’d call it a smashing success.
However at one point I had a player ask me for something unreasonable and had to tell him no. Gamers can be emotional and a bit high strung, so he got upset, threw something against the nearest wall and informed me he hadn’t wanted to play my game anyway but “they” wouldn’t let him get out of it.
Since there were only two GM’s; myself and another person, and this was the first I was hearing about his mysterious desire to not be involved which seemed to have developed the exact moment he didn’t get his way – I inquired as to who his mysterious “they” were exactly. He pointed to my co-GM as the coercer, and I probably gave him a skeptical look since she’s not the type to force involvement from a reluctant player (both of us would far prefer players who actually WANT to be there), at which point he stormed off.
Not really an unusual thing since, as I mentioned before, gamers can be high strung – but the experience still left me stressed and irritated when I needed to be focused.
Example the Third:
Hands down the most mystifying.
Yesterday I went with some friends to acquire ice cream; and after myself, my husband, son, and friend (who is currently recovering from an injury) went inside the ice cream shop – two other friends remained in their car to finish up a phone call.
As I approached the counter my injured friend inquired as to their delay, and I explained that they were finishing up a phone call with a friend they’d had a problem with at the con last weekend (again, Gamers = high strung). We ordered our ice cream and I moved away toward the window to wave playfully at my two friends in their car outside.
A moment later, I had a strange, slightly scary looking, sixty-something year old man at my elbow.
Crazy Man: “Excuse me, I’d appreciate if you didn’t talk like that about my son-in-law where I can hear you.”
Me (utterly confused): “Um, I don’t know you.”
Crazy Man: “That young man you were just talking about over there, he’s my son-in-law and I don’t want you talking that way about him where I can hear you.”
Me: (very blankly) “(Insert name here) is your son in law?”
Crazy Man: “No… (insert different name here) is my son in law. If I’m mistaken then I’m sorry.”
It took me awhile to puzzle out what happened, long after the incident was over – but finally I think I’ve got it figured out. When I walked in, the Crazy Man’s daughter must have recognized me from seeing me once at a mutual friend’s party. Her husband (a nice enough guy that I don’t know well) was in fact at the Convention last weekend. For some (still completely mystifying to me) reason, instead of saying hello to me when she recognized me, she eavesdropped on my conversation and decided completely at random that the person I was mentioning when I said my other two friends were straightening out an issue with someone who’d been at the Con MUST be her husband, and sicked her daddy on me to put me in my place for speaking so ill of him in public.
Sound crazy? Yeah, believe me it felt pretty crazy too.
I was also really angry because Crazy Vengeful Daddy waited patiently until I’d stepped away from my three tall, male companions to come over and confront me well out of their earshot. What a brave guy.
On top of that, the guy’s a CHURCH PASTOR (as I later found out). So theoretically he, his wife and daughter are all supposedly my fellow brothers and sister’s in Christ. And this leader of the church, instead of taking the “blessed are the peacemakers” route decided it was perfectly acceptable to frighten, confuse and confront a young woman who was a total stranger to him after she’d had the audacity to say: “so and so are working out a problem with someone they had an issue with.”
Even if I HAD been talking about his son in law (which I hadn’t been) I didn’t actually say anything bad, certainly nothing that warranted that kind of reaction.
So… at this point I feel like I can’t get through a weekend anymore without crazy people getting up in my grill. So what is God trying to tell me?
My first thought was that I need to choose how I’m spending my time more wisely; instead of going to a convention I could have spent last weekend helping people who need it for example. But in the other two instances; I was having brunch and bonding with my family and visiting an injured friend who is like a brother to me, I can’t see God having an issue with either of those activities.
Do I just need to learn to stand up for myself? That was one of the things that left me feeling icky, used and angry afterward; I was actually pretty nice to all three of my aggressors when what I wanted was to punch them all in the face. Afterward I felt used and beaten, like people’s punching bag. But would God want me to learn to go with animal instinct and start socking crazy people in the face? Somehow I doubt it.
The best answer I was able to come up with came from my son; who pointed out “maybe it’s not about you. Maybe God is using you to teach something to others.” Like in the case of the Pastor, perhaps the man needed a lesson in humility and how to control his own misdirected anger. Perhaps after he’d realized his mistake, he felt ashamed. He SHOULD feel ashamed in my opinion.
I still don’t know, but obviously it’s weighing on me pretty badly so I had to get these words out of my head and onto the page. Nobody wants to feel like a scapegoat for other people’s anger with their own lives or like a free punching bag – and right now that’s exactly what I feel like.
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
I stopped weighing myself a few months ago, but I know the number is up. I can feel it in my joints, in the way my clothes fit, in the horrifyingly round face and figure looking back out at me from recent pictures, and in my general state of extreme self-dislike.
Am I just not able to do this? Am I like a drug addict who just can’t beat it?
I’m so tired of fighting, and the road feels so very long and hard, I just want to curl up somewhere quiet and dark and stay there.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
**********2 Acorn Squash
Smidge of olive oil
1 C. Trader Joe’s Harvest Grains Blend
1 C. Veggie broth
1/4 C. Water
1 tsp. Butter
1 C. Onion, diced
1 C. Mushrooms, chopped
1 T. Olive oil
2 Cloves garlic, chopped
1/4 C. Walnuts, chopped
1/4 C. Dried Cranberries (I used the orange essence kind)
1/4 tsp. Salt
1/4 tsp. Cinnamon
Pinch of ground Ginger
Pinch of ground Cloves
Preheat oven to 375 deg. F. Halve each acorn squash and remove the innards. I brushed each half with olive oil (the oil is probably unnecessary) and placed face down in a pan. Bake for 30 minutes.
While the acorn squash is baking, start the stuffing.
Bring 1 C. broth and 1/4 C. water to boiling. [A note about the broth: I used a blend of broth and water only because I had 1-cup pouches of organic veggie broth in my pantry. I didn’t want to open a second pouch only to used a portion of it.] Add butter and grain blend. Bring back to boiling, turn down heat, cover and simmer for 10 minutes or so until cooked.
In a separate pan, sauté garlic and onion in olive oil, adding mushrooms after onion has started turning translucent.
Once grains and onions and mushrooms are cooked, mix them together in a large bowl with all other ingredients.
Back to the acorn squash: after baking for 30 minutes, remove from oven. Flip each half but leave in the pan. Scrape out a little bit of squash from each half. This is mostly to make a little more room in each half, but also adds a little squash flavor to the stuffing. Mix the removed squash into the stuffing mixture. Fill each acorn squash half with stuffing; mound it up! Cover the now stuffed squash with aluminum foil, and put the pan back in the oven. Bake for an additional 30 minutes.
[I only cooked one acorn squash last night, so I have half the stuffing left over for lunches and such. It’s fab all on its own.]