It’s been gently brought to my attention by a couple of folks that I seem a bit… er… angry, of late. I think the subtext of this is that my caring friends don’t want me to wallow in the negative, or let the world get me down or make me give up.
I always walk a fine line between struggling to accept myself at any size and feeling as though the “fat acceptance” movement is just a well organized way of admitting defeat.
I realize that I’m a contradiction: I believe in fighting for acceptance and equal treatment for people of every size, but I also cannot truly accept the size that I am and desperately wish to join the ranks of normal weight people. I want encouragement, and yet I want to be left alone because it’s my problem. Mine. Not yours.
The truth though is that the anger is a symptom of me flirting dangerously close to the edge of really giving up, and obviously people can read past all my ranting and see that. I apologize.
I’m going to try to be more positive and find some more helpful and hopeful things to write about. For now, I’m reading a positive and encouraging book called Half–Assed. It’s the story of a normal girl losing an extraordinary amount of weight through some pretty everyday means. It’s written by Jennette Fulda, who encouraged me (unwittingly) to start my own weight loss blog three years ago.
Her weight loss blog (www.pastaqueen.com) is still up, though no longer being added to because she’s in the maintenance part of her journey these days. I encourage you to buy her book, she’s quite funny and has a lot of helpful thoughts. Her more current blog (about life, the universe, and everything) can be found at the lower right corner on my blog list and is called JenFul – it’s updated pretty regularly.
Also, here’s my updated list of lifestyle changes – just because I haven’t posted it in awhile:
1) No chemical sweeteners
2) Low caffeine
3) Low meat (3 to 5 servings weekly)
4) Low refined sugar (3 to 5 servings weekly)
5) Healthy snacking (no bags of snacks in front of the sofa)
6) Five half hour exercise sessions weekly (or more if possible)
7) No abusive thoughts or language toward me!
And three new ones:
8) By-weekly weigh ins (the batteries died on my scale and I haven’t replaced them)
9) Mandatory 15 minute wait before second helpings at dinner
10) Don’t eat when not hungry!
My plan might seem simple because I don’t have to weigh measure and write everything down, but it’s starting to get to be a lot to remember. I think I need to carry around a cheat sheet or something.
Also… that last one? About not eating when not hungry? It’s the hardest of all. For real.