Is There A Secret?

Here’s the thing; no carbs. You avoid all carbs and you’ll be thin.

Here’s the thing; no fat. You avoid all fat and you’ll be thin.

Here’s the thing; no sugar. You avoid all sugar and you’ll be thin.

Here’s the thing; no meat. You avoid all meat and you’ll be thin.

Recently I was talking to a friend about my 20 grams of fat or less per day diet plan and he was quick to tell me I had it all wrong, sugar was my enemy. If I cut absolutely all sugar from my diet I’d finally attain the goals I wanted.

My response was more or less “get in line”.

I feel like I’m working my way through every trick in the book, and I’m about ready to eat the book itself.

Or I could try all of them at once but then… I have a feeling there wouldn’t be anything to eat at all. That would work of course, but not in a good way.

The problem isn’t actually that they don’t work, they do work. But some of them *cough*Atkins*cough* are seriously unhealthy. And some of them, like Ornish’s 20 grams of fat or less per day, aren’t satisfying in the long term.

So for me, the problem is that nothing has been sustainable. After a bit of time passes I get worn out from feeling hungry all the time, or dying for a bite of sugar or fat and getting only celery. And I fail.

Since the alternative is turning into a big gigantic side show freak I’m still trying of course.

So… weight loss attempt #415: eat small amounts of calories many times per day rather than few large meals. I’m attempting this one because danger comes with hunger, maybe if I don’t let myself get really hungry – I won’t binge.

I’m going on vacation tomorrow and will be away until next week – so I probably won’t be paying huge amounts of attention to what I’m eating. However I should have a status update on how this one is going once I really get into it upon my return home. Today was pretty good I think – I just ate my 135 calorie late afternoon snack (toast round with spreadable low calorie cheese).

Caring: 24 / 7

When I wake up first thing in the morning I’m ready to go. I care. I’m fully committed to having a healthful day.

I go downstairs and pack my lunch, still fully committed. I load up my lunch box with fruits, vegetables, oatmeal, sometimes a few nuts, dried fruit, sandwiches made from roasted red pepper and 35 calorie cheese wedges, a little peanut butter for my bread rounds, apple butter, healthy leftovers, salads made from wheat, herbs and vegetation, salads made from artichoke and beans.

Obviously not all of this on the same day, but those are the types of things I have on hand all day at work.

All day at work I care. I eat my healthy food, I drink my water, I feel good. I avoid the doughnuts, the bagels, the soft pretzels, the chocolates, the cakes. When someone is kind enough to bring a fruit or vegetable tray to celebrate a birthday instead of butter cream cakeness – I have a bit.

I’m committed, I care, and I feel good.

Then the end of the day comes… the five PM hungry time.

I get in my car and drive home, and during the hour long drive the hunger builds, and the caring drops.

I get into the house, and I no longer care.

It doesn’t take long to spoil an entire day, nor does it take much – a few too many crackers, a handful of tortilla chips, some sugar wafer cookies. I know how fast the fat calories build.

I binge, and then I know it – that half hour lapse in caring has spoiled the whole day. From a weight loss perspective, that day may as well not have happened at all.

So then it’s all wasted – and what does it matter if I have a second helping of something at dinner or eat the meat I made for Ted and Kyle instead of a vegetarian alternative?

In a twenty four hour period, my plan is ruined by the half hour per day when I’m hungry and can’t seem to care. Every day is day one, and every day I ruin it.

How do I care – 24 / 7?

Meh

I feel very fat at the moment.

That is all.

Meh.

Transformation

No, I'm not referring to any transformation of mine. Mine is still hopelessly stalled.

I'm referring to the Transformation of the humans in the Transformers movies. You see, I loved that cartoon as a kid. I had toys for Jazz, Bumblebee, Ravage, Starscream - just to name a few. I vaguely remember that the cartoon had a few human characters; a fairly typical looking boy and girl of youngish teenage years. They weren't the point of the series and were fairly forgettable but I understand why they had to feature a bit more heavily when the film went to the big screen, to give the entirely human audience somebody they could relate to.

I also generally like the work of the director of the movies; Michael Bay - who also did Armageddon, Mystery Men and The Rock. Basically I enjoy a good explosion or slapstick superhero film on a Saturday night.

At any rate when the first Transformers movie was coming out, I really understood the casting choice for the human lead - he picked a kid named Shia Lebouf who looked more or less like a normal, cute boy I'd have run into back in high school.

Here he is covered in mud and holding the mystical box of whatever from the film:


They paired him opposite an equally typical looking high school girl played by Megan Fox, pictured here fixing cars in a miniskirt as most high school girls are prone to do:

Sure - that's what all the girls in my high school looked like. What... wasn't yours the same?

Anybody picking up on my note of sarcasm yet?

The film featured one other female character I can recall - a nerdy hacker girl who just happened to look more or less like an Australian Supermodel; pictured here with one of her fellow male hacker characters:


Is anybody else picking up on the gross imbalance yet, or is it just me?

I did pay to see the film, I even had a big, warm fuzzy moment when Optimus Prime showed up and his beloved, familiar voice BOOMED across the theater in Dolby stereo. But part of me couldn't stop noticing over and over... that in the Michael Bay world; men are allowed to look normal but women are not. And it never stopped bothering me.

Now, surprise surprise, it turns out the insanely pretty Megan Fox (and I fully admit the girl's beauty is nearly supernatural) is a bit of a difficult person to work with. So, Michael Bay has decided to replace her.

This time, he skipped actresses altogether and went straight for a Victoria's Secret underwear model instead. Observe:

Point of the story here... will Michael Bay be getting one more penny of my money?

No-transformin-way. Not ONE MORE PENNY.

I'm done with this crap. And the only thing Hollywood listens to is the almighty dollar. I can't be the only person who wants to see talented actresses in movies who actually look human, can I?

Anyone out there agree?

Anybody..?

Flexi-Lady

You have to find the dietary choices that work well for your lifestyle as well as being satisfying and healthful to you personally.

And here’s mine (currently anyway):

Flexitarianism: Is a semi-vegetarian diet focusing on vegetarian food with occasional meat consumption. A self-described flexitarian seeks to decrease meat consumption without eliminating it entirely from his or her diet. There are no guidelines for how much or how little meat one must eat before being classified a flexitarian. Flexitarianism is distinguished from pescetarianism (i.e., one who eats only fish in addition to vegetarian foods), as well as pollotarianism (i.e., one who eats only poultry in addition to vegetarian foods).
In 2003, the American Dialect Society voted flexitarian as the year's most useful word and defined it as "a vegetarian who occasionally eats meat".

Definition courtesy of Wikipedia, found by my friend Teddi.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flexitarianism

When I discussed it with my doctor last week, she was amused by the term and supportive of the idea. She reminded me that as an omnivore I am meant to eat meat in certain quantities, but decreasing the amount significantly (as long as I get enough protein) is a healthful choice because of how fatty meat can be.

On average, I’m eating meat maybe two or three times per week at the moment. We’ll see how it goes.

I know it probably seems like I’m trying on program after program after program, and in a way – yes I am. It’s like trying on different shoes until I find the lifestyle choices that work best for me on a long term basis.

The Pit of Despair

So I went to my annual physical on Friday, as usual my Doctor patted me on the head and praised me for my healthy eating and exercise habits.

See, apparently I’ve got really svelte and healthy blood and way sexy blood pressure scores, and that’s the part of me that she looks at.

So while the rest of the world is peering at my fat body and going: “Yeeech! What an out of control SLOB, she must sit on the sofa and eat cheetos all day!”

My doctor is meanwhile looking at numbers on a page and going: “Wow I can really see those healthy eating habits and the fact that you go to a gym three times a week. Good work you good patient you!”

I’m like the poster child for those people who try to convince the rest of the world that slim does not equal healthy and obese does not equal death.

So why am I in the proverbial pit of despair? Why have I been hiding from my blog?

Confession time: My weight at the doctor’s office (you know the dreaded slidey scale) was back up to 274 lbs.

That’s right folks – I’ve wasted every bit of work I did since I began last October. I might as well have never tried at all.

It really wasn’t hard… a cup of hot chocolate here and a serving of French fries there, and presto! Weight springs right back up again. Since my metabolism didn’t have enough time to get out of it’s “CRAP, we’re starving to death!” mode that kicks in as soon as you lower your calorie intake, it was more than happy to pack back on every additional calorie I’ve consumed since Christmas as fat storage.

It’s like my body was going “Thank God that crisis is over… whew!”

And now this time, trying to cut, scrape and pry extra poundage off myself will be even harder. It’s harder every time. Every failure makes it harder to walk the road – which is steadily sloping uphill on me. The goal growing further and further out of sight.

We’ll see if I even get back on it. Right now I’m teetering on the brink of self acceptance as a fat girl and resigning myself to a life of having to be content with being beautiful on the inside, even though my outside looks like total and utter crap.

Itch

I find it deeply ironic that with as much as I baby my skin I’m still covered in extremely itchy hives at the moment.

It started after that extremely hot weekend I spent gardening two weekends back and hasn’t quit. At first I thought I encountered something out in the garden that my skin found disagreeable – but one of my coworkers is convinced I’ve got “stress hives.”

Great.