A journey in words...

Welcome to my journey in words! A story about health, exercise, weight loss, food addiction, humor, size discrimination, sarcasm, social commentary and all the rest that’s rattling around inside my head...

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Thursday, October 29, 2009

Invested in You

This one may be TMI for some people, so I understand if you want to skip.

For the rest of you, you’ve been warned…

I realized that I get ravenous before that time of the month. I’ve been watching and tracking and it hits like clockwork; week before hand I want to eat anything that isn’t nailed down.

Understand that at this point I’m sort of used to being hungry, it’s not bothering me – but this is different. This is a combination of hunger with an alarming drop in the willpower to ignore it. It’s a hormone-deep instinct to feed, preferably on as much fat as possible.

There’s got to be some scientific reasoning behind this of course… something to do with breeding and babies and keeping a baby healthy or just getting my body ready to reproduce in some fashion. I don’t know, but it’s aggravating as heck. It’s probably related to the same hormones that keep a woman from losing weight very effectively during that same week (mentally I’m preparing myself for another disappointing weigh-in on Friday).

Knowing it’s coming does help. But what helps the most is Ted. I wish I could recommend that every weight loser out there get themselves a Ted; but alas… there’s only one and I’m not sharing.

Yesterday was bad. I had my breakfast, I had my lunch (leftovers from our Anniversary dinner on Monday) and then went back to my desk for the afternoon of work. I had prepped a snack for myself for the afternoon – carrots. But as the afternoon approached I didn’t want carrots, I wanted carbs.

So I wolfed down some pretzels.

Still hungry I began fixating on the vending machine and all the fat and carbs it contained. Also on the huge plastic cauldron of Halloween chocolates that’s been sitting at the reception desk for nearly a month already.

Instead I opened up an email and sent up a cry for help to Ted. In minutes he was there for me; reassuring me…

“You can do this…”
“I am proud of you…”
“I am on your side…”
“I am invested in this, and in you…”

Whatever happens I know that my partner and best friend is invested in the process, in my journey and he’s pulling for me every step of the way.

It was enough.

Later that night; after my trip to the gym and a sensible vegetarian dinner – I was cramming tortilla chips and buttered bread into my mouth when the phone rang. Ted… he was headed home late from work and his spousal telepathy must have gone off because he felt the need to check in on me to see what I’d had for dinner and what I was doing now.

All I wanted was to get him off the phone so I could go back to eating buttered bread, but he could sense something was up and he didn’t want to let me go.

In the end he managed to salvage it for me; yesterday wasn’t one of my best calorie days – but I stayed within my top number by the skin of my teeth, by the grace of God and by the help of my husband.

This is nearly impossible to do alone; that’s why people go to group meetings, find people to be accountable to and support one another.

To all those out there who don’t have a Ted; I can’t stress enough the importance of finding somebody to be that for you. Somebody whose invested in you and believes in you, and your dream.

We can do this together.

1 comment:

  1. I love you and I KNOW you CAN do this!

    I believe this is exactly the kind of thing that spouses are there to help with. Being partners means more than having dinner together and having someone to snuggle with. : )