I think I could tell you what it feels like to be an alcoholic.
An alcoholic is drinking, they can feel themselves getting buzzed. Instead of putting down whatever they’re drinking they go right on doing it until they’re sick because they like the way it feels to drink and seem to lack the self control to say ‘no’.
This happens with food. I’m eating, I feel full – but I enjoy eating so I keep on doing it. Then I feel overfull and sick but it’s too late to take it back. There’s even a next day hangover that kind of feels like I’ve been socked in the gut. Not to mention the emotional self hatred that swiftly comes in it’s wake.
Why can some people enjoy the occasional beer while others have to stay away unless they want to turn up drunk in a gutter somewhere?
Why is it so hard to say: ‘I’m full’ and just stop?
Why do I seem to lack the strength to do that when other people seem to have been born with it and do it effortlessly?
What’s wrong with me?
Questions questions questions… no answers.