A journey in words...

Welcome to my journey in words! A story about health, exercise, weight loss, food addiction, humor, size discrimination, sarcasm, social commentary and all the rest that’s rattling around inside my head...

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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

No Answers

I think I could tell you what it feels like to be an alcoholic.

An alcoholic is drinking, they can feel themselves getting buzzed. Instead of putting down whatever they’re drinking they go right on doing it until they’re sick because they like the way it feels to drink and seem to lack the self control to say ‘no’.

This happens with food. I’m eating, I feel full – but I enjoy eating so I keep on doing it. Then I feel overfull and sick but it’s too late to take it back. There’s even a next day hangover that kind of feels like I’ve been socked in the gut. Not to mention the emotional self hatred that swiftly comes in it’s wake.

Why can some people enjoy the occasional beer while others have to stay away unless they want to turn up drunk in a gutter somewhere?

Why is it so hard to say: ‘I’m full’ and just stop?

Why do I seem to lack the strength to do that when other people seem to have been born with it and do it effortlessly?

What’s wrong with me?

Questions questions questions… no answers.


  1. I feel the same way! I always ask myself this. So it's not just you. I even think this as I am eating something I know I should not be eating. Food is my drug of choice. But, I know that this is going to kill me and I need to try and change my habits. Easier said than done, but I am trying

    We have some things in common:
    wonderful, supporting, loving husbands (who love us how we are!)
    great loving family
    great homes
    cool pets that we love
    friends that love us

    Basically it comes down to love. I love all the things listed above and I want to be here a long time to share the love.

    Don't stop trying. Don't give up. Don't beat yourself up.

  2. It's a damned hard habit to let go of, but just like smoking, it's all the harder when you try to do it "cold turkey". For me, it was a lot easier to wean myself off food slowly. I went from 3000+ calories a day to 2500, then to 2000, then to 1800. Now I'm around 1600. Took five years though, and a LOT of work and backsliding.

    Love you Carolyn. I'm sorry you are feeling down.

  3. That realization of dependence is the main approach I took to losing weight myself, and is the main tool when walking others down the path of life restructuring. Understanding the addictive nature of the various food categories and overcoming them is, in my opinion / method, the main contributor to truly effecting a lifestyle change, as opposed to just engaging in a diet. And that is the approach I have utilized when I’ve assisted people (such as Sherry) in readjusting their eating and shaping up / losing weight.

    A fun test that I propose to anyone trying to understand the addictive nature of foods is to just go 48 hours with no sugar. None. Zero. Just eat things that have 0 Sugars listed on the labels. And in doing so the physical and psychological experience is often *very* close to someone going cold turkey from Cigs, alcohol or even drugs. I experienced one young woman crying at the end of day one with the shakes, and then the next day coming to full realization of that reaction.

    So no Carolyn, you are not alone. And no, the industry is doing NOTHING to help support you in shaking it (they are actually year by year increasing these things to make food MORE appetizing and addictive). But yes, there is victory at the end of the long road. And that victory will come through the day to day support of those that have done it before you, understanding and empathy from those walking along side of you, and the knowledge that you are doing this for yourself at your own pace.

  4. Something that's been kind of helpful to me is feeling good about it when I do stop and I don't eat too much. Rather than psyching myself out by thinking about how little one instance accomplishes, or how I just overate earlier that same day, or the various problems that make me want to go to the comfort foods, I try to feel good, feel that I made one positive step and that one step is as much as could be done in one meal's time.